Oh no i'm late!" I shouted I got into my car and drove off I got to mt. Everest
when I got there I ran up to see the others it took us a while to get to the first camp through the thick trees. It was dusk when we got to camp everyone was tired. There were rumours that said it took 2 months to get to the top and back. Shivering at the thought I ate up and fell asleep. Waking up was hard but as we trotted up further we set camps took them down I even woke up under the tent due to sleeping in. 3 weeks past we all started seeing signs of snow and the camps got shivering cold after that morning some of the older people maybe aged 40-60 went back down because of Arthritis.
a few more cold days past snow infiltrated our boots all of the rest went back down my heart beat faster than ever our be the first one to the top! it was then a shiver went down my spine with the thought i'm doing this all alone but then i heard a voice "are you worried Hillary?" I realised there is still Tenzing Norgay only a few hours to go we trooped up the rest my heart started pounding "I see the top" I hollered with joy and with that I raced to the top and planted the new Zealand flag with pride I Edmund Percival Hillary with Tenzing Norgay Tenzing grinned. when we got back down I explained that I did not do it alone but they didn't listen poor Norgay I thought people started giving me money but then I eyed the poor people with no homes because there was not enough so I spent my money on homes and schools so we can have more people with education and homes. For that I was knighted sir Edmund Hillary.
Hi Arlo
ReplyDeleteYOu have included some fantastic descriptive language in your story which helps paint an image in the reader's mind. I like that your story spans a period of time and you have included the repetition of some daily events. Please remember to re read your work aloud to ensure that it makes sense (you may have left some words out) and that you have check that you have the correct punctuation too. Some of your sentences are missing commas.
Oh and p:s you put 2 capitals on "you".
DeleteThanks ms. Burt next time I will reread more than 3 times so it does not have m/any mistakes.
ReplyDeleteArlo out
Hi James here you did a very good job. So much writing and description you did a great job. I didn't. Well any way here is a link to my blog
ReplyDeletehttp://odsjamesm.blogspot.com/ blog you later BYE🐢👌🙌
Heeelllllllllooo James! and next time could please give me more infomation on what I did well and what I didn't🐺🐺
Delete-Arlo out