My jet had started beeping and a glowing blue image expanded to a 3d holographic message... it was my commander.
"You should be heading up to the sector 219 in a second".
"Roger that" I replied.
In the distance I can make out a faint shadow through the mist- a towering labrinth guarded by who knows how many storm troopers. Suddenly a red light flashes and seems to be getting ...bigger? Closer. An ear splitting zap and crunch tells me that the hull has been damaged. I take some deep breaths and whisper to myself not to panic while several more buffeting lasers leave a huge crack in my cockpit window. My ship is tilting downwards. Tugging the control lever as hard as I can isn't helping. The dusty grey ground expands as I am being engulfed with fog. What have I got myself into?
-Arlo
Kia ora Arlo. Another awesome piece of writing from you! You do very well at building up the suspense and tension with your vocab choices and the detail and description you put in. I love how you have ended it with a rhetorical question which keeps your readers engaged and wondering. Keep up the great work.
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